self proclaimed creative
we are our own biggest critics and we tend to exaggerate how bad (or good) we are doing. in my case, it doesnt feel exaggerated in the slightest. we are supposed to hear criticism and use it to build ourselves up even stronger. i hear a criticism, take it in and digest it, and let it simmer, all while bashing myself for not doing anything about it and jerking myself off when i take the smallest baby step towards my supposed “dream”. do i even want it?? a close member of the circle says that when he sees someone say they want something and do nothing to act upon it, they don’t want it bad enough. do i want it bad enough?? all the standards i held myself at seem to be slipping as of late. i’ve noticed for a while but now i feel the consequences. i’ll tell myself how much i need to change and how badly it’ll be for me if i keep up the shit habits i commit. but they feel like nothing but empty words now. i’m no creative. i’m no charismatic devil. i’m no psychiatrist. not until i make moves on the things i say. until then, im as empty as my proclamations.